A horrible sound woke me up from my dream. ''This damn clock!'' I shouted and threw it away. I didn't wanna wake up, but I didn't wanna sleep either though. Even my dreams was haunted by nightmares and horrible feelings. It's been like that for a year now, since my mom died. She meant the world to me, she helped me with all the bullies I got in school. She made me feel safe when she hugged me. And now…she's gone. And it's all my fault, a tear escaped from my eye and I wiped it fast away. If we didn't fight that night, if she just didn't gotten out, she would still be alive. The fight was so ridiculous, I was ridiculous.  I lied in my bed and thought of that night, the worst day of my life.

My body was full of anger, anger towards my mom. ''You never let me do a thing! God, release me from the damn leash!'' I shouted at my mom. My eyes got teared up, I always hate when that happen. People think i'm sad when in reality i'm just angry, so angry that I cry. And I hate it! My mom looked me straight in the eyes and shouted back ''Young lady, do you expect me too let you go to a party with people I know have a really bad behavior?'' Mom shaken of anger. I rolled my eyes ''They have not a bad behavior mom! They are just having fun!'' My mom laughed of skepticism  ''It's not a good company Melissa they drink alcohol and do drugs. Mel, you're 15 years old! Don't you see i'm trying to protect you? I don't want you do end up like them!'' And now I said the words, the last words I said to my mother. Words that will torture me for the rest of my life. ''I don't need your protection! I need you to stay out of my life because you really make it miserable! I'm gonna be so happy when I move out of this shithole and get rid of you!'' The words exploded in my mouth and the look of my face was hard. Something happened in my moms eyes, she tried to hide it by I saw it. Pain. My words had really gotten to her, but the sad face was soon replaced with a harsh look. ''You now what, Melissa? I'm done. Go to that fucking party and destroy your life, be my guest. I can't take this anymore!'' She screamed and went out to the hallway to get her shoes and jacket. I stood frozen and shocked that my mom had cursed. She never cursed. I frown and shouted ''Where are you going!?'' She snorted and said ''Out! Just out of here!'' I heard her slam the door. I went to the kitchen sink and leaned my arms on the cold surface. My breathing was fast because of all of the yelling. Then came that sound that I will never forget, a sound I hear in my dreams all the time. It was the sound of a car who did a hard brake. I know we have a road just outside. I ran towards the door and the thing I was about to see..was awful, heartbreaking. I started to scream and ran to my mom who lied all bloody on the road. ''Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't see her she just came out of nowhere!'' I know it wasn't his fault but I just turned my face to him and shouted ''God dammit, call the ambulance!!'' The tears streamed down my face and I turned the face to my mother. I had her head in my lap and stroked her hair. She gurgled and blood came out of her mouth. I helped her turn so she didn't choke of her own blood. Then she was in my lap again. She smiled and reached for my face with her hand and stroked my chin. ''I love you sweetie. Always remember that'' She smiled one more time and I whispered ''I'm so sorry….'' But it was to late, she couldn't hear me. She had went  slack in my arms and was dead. She died in my arms. The tears streamed and I cried hysterical and all I could think of was the last word I had said to her, the words I said I wanted to get rid of her. And that this was all my fault.

1 year later me, Melissa Andersson 16 years old, lay hear in a bed all broken down in a foreign country. My dad had decided to send me to London to a foster family, he couldn't take care of me he told me. I stopped with everything back home in Sweden, I stopped eating, laid in my bed all day, didn't go to school. So he got an idea and sent me here, traitor… When my mom lived my dream was to move to England, I should be happy. But i'm not, I have never felt happiness since my mom died. Now I didn't found the pleasure to be here, I just wanted to go home. Home to my bed in Sweden. The family is nice and that, but I didn't show them any emotions. Just fake smiles, in school I was the ''weird'' one. I always had my hood over my head and was quiet. I was bullied back home so i'm used to these looks and whispering I always gets. A knock took me back to reality and I jumped up a little. ''Mel, time to get up sleepyhead. Schooltime!'' Annie said with a giggle. Annie and Ken Wright was my foster parents. They had two 3 year old boys twins, their name is Adam and Mark. I literally dragged myself out of bed and dragged my feet to my bathroom. I was standing in front of the mirror and just looked at my face. I think I'll never be the same again...